People Not to Kill
by Convenient Alias
Summary: "Androssi had a list of people not to kill. It was a work in progress." Or, the one where after meeting Baam, there are some people Androssi genuinely doesn't want to die, and that's confusing. The list helps her to keep them all straight. Oneshot, Androssicentric with some AndrossixBaam on the side.


Androssi had a list of people not to kill.

It was a work in progress.

She first created it neither when she was made a princess of Zahard and expected to follow certain protocol, nor during the test where she had formed a team with two other regulars (the mysterious Rachel and Akryung), but later, although not too much later. She first started the list after lunch a certain day during fisherman training.

She had been sitting with Anaak and Hatsu and Ship Leesoo and Koon and Baam, as usual. Akryung wasn't a social creature, and Rachel had taken to avoiding public places. And Baam kept on dragging her over to his table, because for some reason he had gotten it into his mind that she was lonely.

It was funny. He was the first one to ever guess.

And it was after lunch, while she was sitting in her room and studying textbook maneuvers for the fisherman position, that she suddenly knew: She couldn't kill Baam. She couldn't even hurt him.

It would be akin to killing herself. In fact, she realized, with a growing horror, it might even hurt more. Thinking of herself somehow getting a spear driven through her chest gave her little more than a passing dread—she had faced the fear of death long ago. But thinking of Baam's body, lifeless eyes staring up at the ceiling and blood pouring out of her side, made her squeeze her eyes shut and clench her teeth.

She had never felt that way about anyone before, not since she had realized the unnis she was training with weren't friendly and would beat her up as soon as look at her. She wasn't sure what to do with a feeling like this. Maybe it was friendship, or maybe love (though God forbid, because if she ended up wanting a guy she would be eternally frustrated by Zahard's regulations) but either way she feared she was doomed to mess it up and hurt him anyways. She had no practice.

So she got out a sheet of paper, not too fancy but still fairly sturdy, and she got out a pen, and she wrote at the top of the page, "People Not to Kill."

She underlined the phrase.

Beneath that, she wrote the words, "Twenty-Fifth Baam." But somehow that wasn't enough. Even though she had only realized just now there was anyone in the world she wanted not to kill, now that she had admitted she didn't want to hurt Baam, she had to also admit that there were others.

To begin with, there was Ship Leesoo. The boy was pathetically weak, and the tower was doubtless going to crush him before long, but he had been friendly to her, even flirtatious (although his attempts at flirting were pathetic), and she didn't want to be the one responsible for his death. "Ship Leesoo," she wrote directly beneath Baam's name. It couldn't be too troublesome not to kill him, after all. He'd probably get himself killed off in the next exam without any of her interference anyway.

And then there was Hatsu. Although she wasn't attracted to him and didn't know him all that well, he had offered her a few small but sincere smiles, and he had the kind of warrior spirit she could respect. His name came next.

Anaak's name came to mind but she brushed it away. Just because she wasn't going to try and kill the green skinned girl now didn't mean she would necessarily avoid it in the future. Anaak's existence went against Zahard's rule, and as a princess of Zahard she wasn't going to make promises she might not be able to keep.

Baam would be sad if she killed Anaak, but he would have to understand.

Thinking of how sad Baam would be at Anaak's hypothetical death made Androssi more willing to compromise on some others. For Baam's sake she could, at least, avoiding killing Koon. At least temporarily. Even if he was a schemer, he wasn't after the fisherman's position and he was a member of the Ten Families, so hypothetically they ought to be allies anyway. Although affiliations of that sort rarely mattered so low in the Tower. She could avoid killing Rak as well. He was the kind of idiot crocodile she was more than willing to avoid fighting in the first place.

She wasn't sure why the name Rachel made her pause. If Rachel and Baam had the kind of connection they seemed to, her death would sadden Baam more than any other. In theory, she should have no hesitation in writing Rachel's name down on the list.

She was a princess of Zahard. She would not be jealous of some silly relationship between two low-level regulars. Besides, it was altogether likely Baam had no interest in romance with Rachel but that they were merely friends.

(Yeah, right.)

And of course Androssi wasn't in love with Baam. That would have meant trouble.

There could be no jealousy over the friend of a friend. She wrote "Rachel" underneath "Rak Wraithraiser, frowning at the realization that she had no last name. Oh well. It didn't really matter.

Those were all the promises she was willing to make, then. Six people in the whole Tower she would force herself not to exterminate. Everyone else would be fair game.

But once you get a ball rolling, it's not so easy to make it stop.

/.../.../

She dug the list out of her luggage some time after the final examination. She hadn't thought of it in weeks, but now, memories of Baam brought it to mind. Memories would be all she would ever have of Baam, now.

Quietly, she crossed the name "Twenty-Fifth Baam" off the top of the list.

And then, with the same methodical deliberation, she ripped the paper into tiny pieces and dropped the pieces one by one into the trash bin.

Because there was no point, was there? Baam was dead. All very noble, claiming she would set herself limits, stop herself from killing. But restraint had not been enough. It hadn't kept Baam alive.

She hadn't been forced to see his body, blood leaking out of his side or lifeless pupils staring off into space. But that didn't stop the nightmares from coming. She had killed hundreds of people, both her "unnis" and fellow Regulars, watched them bleed out with cold satisfaction. For some reason it was still the image of Baam drowning that haunted her dreams. And he was always crying out to her, bubbles of air floating out of his mouth, and the water would prevent his words from coming out but she knew what he was saying. "Save me. Save me. Don't let me die." And then, the last word before she woke up would always be, "Murderer."

Baam was dead.

There was no point in restraint, she thought dully, when he wouldn't be there to see it, to see that she was changing, becoming almost good.

/.../.../

Two days later, she got out a new piece of paper because maybe, even if Baam was dead, some part of him lived on. She didn't really believe in an afterlife (although perhaps there was a hell reserved for monsters like her) but it was a possibility. And Ship Leesoo occasionally spouted some idiocy about keeping Baam's spirit, his compassion and his self sacrifice, alive in their actions. It was stupid but it was more than Androssi was doing now, and perhaps it was worth a try.

The title she wrote this time was different, because not killing Baam had not been enough. She wrote, "People That Can't Die." She had to bring herself to care, to put some effort into their survival this time. Baam would approve, and she wouldn't lose anyone. Not again.

The first name she wrote was "Anaak" because God, it had come so close the last time, with that sadistic Ren forcing the two of them to fight. And if she killed Anaak it might hurt even more than killing Baam. Anaak was her sister now (her niece? She wasn't sure exactly how it worked) and sisters didn't let each other get hurt.

After a moment of grudging hesitation she added the surname, "Zahard."

"Rachel," she wrote next, because that was her quest now. Carrying on Baam's legacy meant protecting Rachel at all costs, bringing her up the Tower to see the stars. Bit of an odd wish if you asked Androssi, but who was she to judge? Baam had loved Rachel. That was enough.

And then Koon Aguero Agnis, and then Ship Leesoo, and then Hatsu. And Rak Wraithraiser, though she almost forgot him. He had faded into the background since Baam's death, and who knew where he had gone?

Laure, too, she had to protect now, since he'd joined their makeshift team. She wasn't overly fond of him, but they were comrades, she supposed, no matter how useless he behaved. And Baam had been fond of him to an extent.

More names were added later, with every addition to her team and to Koon's distant team. To her team, Verdi and Vespa and Aleksai. To Koon's team, Koon Ran and Apple and Gyetang and Michael and Novick and Dan. There were others who came and went, and she added their names and crossed them out with little thought. When the paper became too confusing, too covered with temporary alliances now crossed out to keep the main list straight, she would copy the list of currently essential people to a new sheet of paper.

Then she would burn the old paper-sensitive information like that could not be left lying around. Honestly, it was a risk to keep an up to date list at all. If someone got the paper, they would instantly know how to blackmail her, what her weaknesses were. Keeping the list was foolish.

But it reminded her of Baam. And sometimes, when she had made a particularly hard kill or when her head was spinning with Ship Leesoo or Koon's latest plans, it steadied her to take it out and remember who she needed to keep alive just now. And, of course, the people who were always important.

Anaak Zahard. Rachel. Koon Aguero Agnis. Ship Leesoo. Hatsu. Rak Wraithraiser. Laure.

Those names always came first and when everything else became overwhelming she would repeat them as a mantra. She was not a monster. She had people she would protect.

She had a family.

/.../.../

Koon was dead.

One day he was communicating with Ship Leesoo about a mission to the Hand of Arlen, about testing his team's strength. And Leesoo as always counseled him to be cautious, but Koon shrugged off the warnings about Beniamino Cassano's strength because hey, he was Koon Aguero Agnis, and he had come through worse. His team was strong, and he was strong, and they would be fine because they were always fine. Androssi shrugged off Leesoo's prattling too because he was always worrying about something and Koon could take care of himself just fine.

And a few days later he was dead, and the news was broadcasted all over the Tower. Dead, and his team scattered. The body of Gyetang had been recovered by authorities investigating the matter. And the rest were all missing.

Androssi took out the list and neatly crossed out the name "Koon Aguero Agnis." Or it would have been neat, only her hand wouldn't stop crossing and crossing over and over the name until her pen went through the paper.

She copied the list down onto a new sheet of paper, only she had to start over because the first time she automatically wrote Koon's name third. It was a habit. So she crumpled that sheet up and brought out a new one and she wrote "Ship Leesoo" very close after "Rachel", so close that the letters brushed against each other and no one could ever imagine there used to be a name between the two.

She left Rachel's name as it was. Even if Rachel was missing, that didn't mean she was dead. There was no proof. And there was no way Androssi could have failed that badly, not yet.

For a few minutes, she contemplated a second list, a list of people to be killed as soon as possible. But she rejected the idea. Only a monster or a hitman would need such a list and Androssi was neither. She was not a monster. She had people to protect. She had a family. (Anaak Zahard, Rachel, Koon Ague-No, not him but keep on going, don't let yourself go crazy, Androssi, remember how it goes...Ship Leesoo, Hatsu, Rak Wraithraiser, Laure, Anaak Zahard...)

The only reason the idea appealed to her was that her hand itched to write the words "Jyu Viole Grace" so badly it was twitching. But it was all right.

She didn't need a list to remind herself that she was going to kill him.

/.../.../

Only.

Only when she saw Viole face to face...

There was something about him.

Something familiar. Something that, despite all reason, urged her not to kill him. And that man had called him, "Twenty-Fifth Baam".

It was probably all a twisted joke, she rationalized. Viole had killed Koon. Everyone knew that. There was no way he could be anything but evil, and certainly no way the first person she had ever lost, the first person that had ever mattered to her, could still be alive.

But still. How did he know that name in the first place? And what was so familiar about his face? Even if Baam being alive was impossible (and it was, it was completely impossible, too impossible to allow herself to hope...), even if Baam was never coming back, there was still something off about the situation. Jyu Viole Grace required further investigation.

She wrote his name on the "People That Can't Die" list because she wouldn't let him die. Not until she'd had a long conversation with him and figured out exactly what was going on.

Killing him quickly would not be suitable vengeance for Koon, anyway.

/.../.../

A couple days later, she wrote "Twenty-Fifth Baam" next to "Jyu Viole Grace" in parenthesis. She sat there staring at the name for a minute. And it hit her right in the chest, in a way that even seeing him face to face hadn't. Baam was alive, and she was never going to let him die again.

When she crossed Rachel's name off, she was able to make it a neat line this time.

(It wasn't until a few days later that she put Koon's name back on the list because seriously? Alive all this time and refusing to tell them? It took a while to shake off the temptation to kill him on sight.)

/.../.../

She showed the list to Baam after their first date.

They had talked about many things. Their plans for the future, their happiness at seeing each other again. The development of their fighting skills. What had happened to Baam over the past several years, and what had happened to Androssi as well.

And even as they recapped the years that had passed, long years full of turmoil for both of them and full of empty spaces where they used to have each other, she couldn't feel sad about any of it. In a way, she felt like he had never left her side.

She showed him the list because even though she had never shown anyone else, it felt right. Because she knew he wouldn't laugh. Because she wanted to show him how his name was right at the top of her new copy of the list, though now the name "Jyu Viole Grace" was the one in parenthesis. And most of all because the most important names on the list were the ones he had given her, and she wanted to show him that it mattered.

He didn't laugh, although his eyes did widen.

And when he saw his name at the top of the list, he blushed a shade of red that would have shocked anyone who knew him only as an FUG slayer candidate.

And as he read down the list, a smile spread on his lips, so she knew he understood. And he was happy for her.

Only, when he was done, he looked up with a grave expression and said, "Androssi."

"Yes, Baam?" she said.

"There's a name missing."

She bit her lip. The new copy of the list didn't have Rachel on it, not even as a name that was crossed off. She had hoped he wouldn't notice. Apparently that had been a foolish hope. "Is there?"

He picked up a pen and walked over to a desk, and wrote something on the paper. For a short name like Rachel, it took him a while.

Finally he handed the list back to her. "There."

She looked at the bottom. No Rachel. Instead, in careful but flowing script she saw the name, "Androssi Zahard."

"Baam," she said. "It's my list. That part is assumed."

Baam blushed. "Oh, is it? I'm sorry. I just didn't see it on the list and...Well, it's great that you're protecting so many people but you need to take care of yourself too."

"I do," Androssi said.

Baam hesitated, then shrugged. "As long as you remember that, Androssi. Because you are also a person who can't die."

"I'm invincible," Androssi said. "I'm not going to die." She grinned, although the list had never been a joke. "Nothing in this world is going to kill me."

"Good," Baam said. "Keep it that way." He stared at the floor. "If you died, I would be very sad."

Androssi laughed. "Okay, Baam. I won't die. Happy?"

"Yes." Baam smiled. "It is a good list. I am proud to be on it."

It was silly, of course, to keep her own name on the list. After all, it was a list of people to protect. And if it came down to protecting one of the others, Androssi knew she couldn't prioritize herself.

She kept the name anyways, at the bottom of the list every time she copied it down. Always at the bottom, but still there. And between herself at the bottom and Baam at the top, she knew that they could keep all the people in the middle safe.

And neither she nor Baam, neither murderous princess nor fabled slayer nominee, would ever be a monster again.

/.../.../

AN: It's been quite a while since I've posted anything. I'm busy with things like novels, homework and Christmas, so don't expect a lot of stories to come flooding in, but this one pretty much wrote itself.

It's my first Tower of God fic, and I hope you enjoyed it. Haha, Androssi and Baam are my OTP.

Anyways, if you liked, feel free to review! I love feedback. Feed the beast. :)


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